Perspective

Photo by the talented Wobsarazzi

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.  

~Rabindranath Tagore

It rained on Wednesday and I had a million excuses to not get my 7 miles in. It was cold. It was wet. It hailed earlier in some parts of OC. It would probably start raining again. I'd been feeling a little under the weather. I debated dragging myself to the gym to soldier it out on the treadmill, but I wasn't feeling too excited about it. Then, the rain ceased and the sky parted slightly just as I was getting ready to go and I took it as a sign to get my ass outside. 

It was cold and I could feel my body's heat evaporating quickly off my running shirt. I forgot the caps to my little running belt bottles so I was stuck carrying a larger bottle which is always annoying. The first few minutes of my run there's always a bit of inner whining, bitching and complaining going on. Seems like with as much as I cart workout stuff to and fro, I inevitably leave something behind. Socks. Water bottles. Sunglasses. Sports Bra. And I refuse to go home before my run since 99% of the time, that will end in my butt on the couch!

I settled into my stride and began to wake up and enjoy my surroundings. I pulled my head out of my work day, and began to notice the sheer beauty of the world around me. It's a startling contrast - the dull drone of my job compared to the vivid, colorful vista of the Back Bay. I noted the ominous clouds ahead of me hanging out in the foothills and figured there had to be a rainbow somewhere. Sure enough, as I started my first tempo interval into the freezing wind, I spotted a huge rainbow arcing up from the ground into the clouds. I felt calm and it dawned on me that you'll never see any rainbows if you're not willing to be caught out in the rain. 

In running, as in life, perception is everything. If you think something's going to suck, it will. If you think something's impossible, it will be. If you think you can, you will. I work a full-time job (and do four different jobs there), train 10-14 hours a week, have a little side business catering to a handful of co-workers, and cook with Adam all of our  meals from scratch (no joke, we grind our own flours). There's a million reasons I can come up with to not do a workout, to sleep in, to cut a run short, to bail on a ride. I was reminded by a friend this week that shortcuts are for wimps. It made me laugh and it rang true. The journey is always the reward. Cutting short the journey cheapens the destination so, so much. When I am frustrated or want to quit or cut things short, I think of a positive. Instead of, "Ugh! This run is SO long!" I think, "How lucky am I to be able to be healthy, have legs, and be able to run free of pain." Instead of, "I don't want to go workout on Friday after work" I think of how good it feels to be faster now and to cross finish lines quicker. I think of how nice it is outside, and how some of the most beautiful days are those with inclement weather. I look forward to the sunrises and sunsets, and try to catch one or both daily.

As I wrapped up my tempo intervals and headed back towards the Back Bay, it began to get windier and colder. The dark clouds from the foothills were swiftly moving towards me. I felt great for getting outside and finishing my workout. I felt the sense of accomplishment that comes with hard work and perseverance. As I got closer to the entrance of the Back Bay under Jamboree, I could tell the sunset was going to be a keeper.  Sure enough, right as I rounded the trail under Jamboree I was greeted by an unforgettable view. I hollered out a hello to a photographer who's always hanging out in that spot taking long exposure shots (it really is one of the best spots on the bay) and he remarked how this was really one of the best. The sun dropped  under the clouds a bright shaft of light rushed across the water towards me. I watched it, running, as it sunk into the bay. I was in complete awe. This day, this moment, this world, this life... there is nothing better and the expression of gratitude on a consistent basis is the only form of prayer that I know. It was the clouds, not the sun, that made the sunset so spectacular. It was the rain too, not just the sun that made the rainbow appear. It is the sum of all things that make existence magnificent and marvelous, and I am grateful for understanding how to value the whole sum, not just certain parts.

Beauty and the Beast (Triathlete)

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." - Anna Quindlen, author

This is a post from last year that sat incubating till today. Enjoy!


Adam and I were cooling down from a long ocean swim / trail run brick at Crystal Cove State Park awhile back when we began chatting with a park ranger. He asked us which triathlon we were training for. We must have looked a little surprised so he gestured to our skintight spandex tri outfits, hydration belts, sockless shoes, interchangeable lens glasses and said, "You know, the outfits give it away". We looked down at ourselves and at each other and realized...we're 100% dorky from top to toe. There's just no use caring what you look like in triathlon. Usually my primary concerns are: Am I comfortable? Will this chafe? Is it UPF? Is this top quick dry? Are my girly bits going to be happy in these bike shorts on mile 60? I began to think about how my body image has changed over the years, particularly with my involvement in triathlon.

I come from a family of tiny women. My mom is 5'2" and looks like she's about 100lbs. My sister is tiny with an hourglass figure and a waist the circumference of my right thigh. I've always been taller and bigger and nothing I did was going to change that. I've been in shape, out of shape and somewhere in between and my happiness with my body has usually fluctuated in accordance to how healthy I feel. Yet, I am a girl and when I started triathlon I recall feeling too fat to wear tight shorts, worrying about how I dorky I look and wondering if other athletes look at me like I'm a poser in my fancy workout gear. I realized this day as the ranger laughed at/with our attire, that my body image has shifted quite a bit.

To be honest, with all those endorphins kicking in from the exercise, I feel pretty awesome when I'm working out. In my mind, I'm coated in spandex and I look sort of like the Lara Croft of triathlon.  One photo from a race makes me question my connection to reality! My first tendency is to criticize myself, but it's easier to hit the mental switch to credit my body, imperfect as it is, for what it provides me. I am strong, I am healthy, I am flexible, I am working hard on achieving the goals I want in my life and in my body and I don't need to beat myself up. Accepting my body as it is allows me to just have fun. There's no contest, there's no competition, and there's no shame. I'm not worried about my thighs shaking when I run. I'm not worried about sweat marks on my tank top, make-up being right, hair being neat or what my dress size is. I'm free to focus on my workouts and on how I feel.

Being active has healed those self-criticisms and fractures in my confidence and it has abated any need to compare myself to anyone else's body image ideal. I view the beauty of the human body differently. It is a machine built to perform, not an idle work of art to be perched on a pedestal for display. I see perfectly tanned bodies and I love my zebra-stripes of mismatched tan lines more for my lines represent hours spent in bike shorts, running skirts, and swimsuits. I see well manicured and pedicured nails that have never changed a dirty bike tire and have never been bashed to the point of falling off in running shoes. I see thin bodies with skin stretched over bone and I see weakness, frailty and lack of power. I see perfectly smooth skin and I chuckle at the memory of each scar, abrasion, callous and scratch that represent a stepping stone on my way to where I am today. I see more beauty in a body that is being used by it's inhabitant and feel a sense of pride and contentment in my own imperfect perfection.

It's not easy to undo decades of marketing, advertising, criticism from self and others, and false images of what women should look like. The mental conditioning about who you are and what you look like begins the moment you're born. You learn it unwittingly, and it becomes written into your every action and moment. Every glance at a reflection merits judgment, assessment and comparison. It takes time and effort to slowly break those habits and learn to look at yourself and your body in a new light. Learning to silence the self-criticism is the first step to actually being able to hear the myriad of things your body is trying to tell you. Your body will let you know when it feels good, strong, sick, like it’s fighting a little bug off, sore, strained, hungry, and tired. Your body will clue you in to what you need to adjust in your workouts, your diet and your routine. Try viewing your body as a vehicle for experiencing life, as opposed to treating it like a decorative shell.

Feed your body the good food it needs to grow, heal and perform. Hydrate your body with nourishing water. Stretch your body so that your muscles are limber. Exercise to strengthen and tone your body, heart, lungs, and mind. Love your body for what it is, instead of hating it for what it isn’t. Without the constant criticisms and nagging worries, your whole outlook shifts to a brighter disposition and nothing’s more attractive than self-confidence.

Training Update: 2 Half Marathons & More

2012 is off to a busy start! At the end of last season, I signed up for two half marathons to ensure that I would focus on my run training during off season. The run has always been a bit of a problem for me, as I don't come from a  running background. Historically, each time I tried to train for half marathon I'd lose steam half way through my plan, injure something, or simply not start laying down consistent base miles for enough time before ramping up distance or speed. Running itself is not hard to do, but to do it correctly and remain injury free, that takes some work. Since I'd signed up for four Half Ironmans and a Full Ironman, I figured I better get on the ball with this running business. My first half marathon was in January of 2010 at Surf City in HB and I showed up under-trained due to a foot injury (plantar fasciitis) and decided to run anyways (bad choice). Needless to say, it was an unpleasant experience and it hurt like hell. I finally dragged my sorry ass across the finish line in 2:32:39. My next half marathon was at the end of Orangeman 70.3+ in September. I thought I was relatively trained for it, but again the run hammered me into the ground with a depressing 3 hours. Granted it was over 14 miles and it was hills AND it was after swimming 1.2 mi and riding 56 mi of Ortega Highway, but it was NOT the half marathon I wanted and I vowed to never repeat that miserable run/walk/cry again.

I logged plenty of miles in November and December and even ran a nice slow 13.1 on Christmas Day. My mileage felt comfortable and I felt confident that I could get through and possibly even improve my time for the half marathons in January and February. Once I signed on with Joby as my coach, he switched my Sundays from long slow runs to speed-work with add-on slower mileage afterwards. Each Sunday was under 13 miles, but Joby assured me the speed-work sessions would handle the half marathon. The speed-work sessions were brutal and I endured largely through the camaraderie of teammates, our mutual suffering and the confidence that the work now would pay off later. 

A great 13.1 with a sweet group of girls!

The last weekend in January found me at the extremely early Tinkerbell Half Marathon with my co-worker and friend Tristan and two super cool runner chick friends of hers! I can't recall the last time I was at Disneyland, but it's been ages. I figured it would be kind of neat to run through the empty park, but had no real expectations and was following a tempo/speed-work plan Joby set out for me to do for the duration of the race. I was tickled by the flood of memories that came back from my childhood as I jogged through what seemed like every square foot of Disneyland. What a trip! Since it was empty, I could clearly pinpoint areas I'd been as a child. I waited in line there. We bought candy there. We went into that shop on Main Street. We watched the parade from here. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever be allowed to run all out through Disneyland! It was a blast, really well organized and a nice way to start my official 2012 season.

Tinkerbell Half Marathon 2012 Results

The following Sunday was the Surf City Half Marathon in Huntington Beach. Joby had backed my training load off a bit the week prior giving me some well needed rest and recovery. On Saturday he sent me 5 pacing options for the race. I realized that I'd be actually racing a half marathon for the first time. There's a big difference between finishing and racing. To be honest I felt nervous about his plans. I knew I could do the slowest plan which had me running pretty much 10:00 min/miles with a little speeding up half way through. What I wasn't sure is if I could run the fastest pace plan which had me running 9:15 min/mi. That's a big difference. Every mile would have to be 45sec faster than the slowest plan and my regular easy/long run pace is more towards 11:00 min/mi. Yet, our speed sessions had often involved around 5+ miles and I had to do bonus miles afterwards that I often ran at a 9:30-10:30 pace. I decided that if I woke up feeling strong, I'd go all in and aim for the fastest pace plan and the 2:00:00 goal. 

And here I'm in the happy-fun-fun first 5 miles

I woke up feeling great but still unsure about that 9:15 pace. I decided it didn't matter what happened out there. This is not an "A" race for me and I'm not a runner.Freeing myself up from those expectations, I didn't have to care if I blew up at mile 10 or wound up ascending my pace/mile. After an easy warm up, I got in my corral and waited for the start. Surf City is a really, really big race. Over 20,000 people packed onto Pacific Coast Highway to run either the half marathon or the full (which fortunately starts earlier). I took off and began my run hoping to clear away from the crowds as soon as possible. With 20,000 people, there's no real breaking away from the crowd. The crowds are everywhere. It took a bit more navigating around people than I would have liked to have wasted time doing, but I was committed to my pace. 

A little more serious now...

The first 5 miles went fantastic. I was having to hold myself back and even cruised up the one uphill section. I wasn't sure when I'd need my E-gel that I brought with me, but I usually can spot the cues from my body when I need to take it so I wasn't worried. Until I I began to slow down. I felt like I was running just as fast, and I was going downhill, but no matter what I did, my pace kept ticking up and up and up. So much so that I figured my Garmin was just having an issue, but it stayed at 10:07 and I realized it wasn't being flaky, I was actually slowing down. I realized too late that due to the huge increase in pace, my body switched over to burning glycogen much sooner than usual and I needed food NOW (well, actually half a mile before this). Fortunately Adam was riding by at the same time on his BMX (taking pics) and I snagged his water to get my gel down with. Not surprisingly, my pace went back to normal!

Bringing it home!

I never got back to that awesome feeling I had for the first 5 miles. I knew I was on limited time until my sugar was depleted again, and I had no real plan. The food they had on the course (shot blocks) don't tend to sit really well with me so I was going to have to just do what I could with what I had. I was starting to lose focus when Tammy Lynn came up behind me and said some really words of encouragement. I was so happy to see her and felt renewed. I pulled up every trick in my head to get myself back on track for 2 hours. It was getting hot, I was getting a bit cranky with the crowds and I just wanted to get it done. The next five miles were a push. I pushed and I pushed and I pushed. I mentally tied myself to people in front of me and used them to pull me forward. I played games with my cadence. I counted. I set up mini-races to get ahead of certain people. I dug deep and had very little left. I took what I had and pushed it into the last mile and crossed the finish line in 2:01:11. That's good enough for me!

I'm really pleased with my time. Not too shabby for a 31 year old ex-smoker who only started seriously trying to run a few years ago! It's reaching goals like these that make me realize that anything is truly possible and it's experiences like this that make me understand how crucial the right people being around you are to your success. I'm so fortunate to have a core group of people who not only support and encourage me, but believe I can do things that I'm not even sure of. I spent most of my life trying to do things on my own and I got pretty far. From this side of the fence, I can tell you, life is so much easier when you have a reliable set of friends to help you on your way to your dreams. 

Surf City Half Marathon 2012 results

Month 1

January is almost over...it's been busy to say the least. I've had double the work these days and the same amount of time (and pay), which has been infringing on my Bite Me Kitchen website and this blog! Not to mention that I still need to wrap up a handout I have regarding metabolic efficiency to my teammates and athletes that attended a talk at the coach's house. I'd rather be too busy, than not busy enough. I won't take that for granted! My sanity has resided in training.

As you can see above, my month has consisted of training, laundry, a messy/crazy post ride/run house, beautiful sunrises, sunsets, sweat and compression. This month, I should hit a new record - I'll have run 100 miles in January. Total for the month, I'll have covered well over 700 miles (including bike, swim and run) and I'm only starting this year. 100 miles sounds like a lot until you think about one of my (eventual) goals is to run a 100 mile race. In a matter of days. Straight. 

With training has come renewed joy! Nothing makes me happier than the rhythm of routine, the ritual of clarifying the mind and purifying the body through extensive effort, and the camaraderie of friends we train with. Winter is perfect training weather, and I welcome the cold, crisp air and even appreciate the rain. Sure, it's cold. Sure, it's wet. But, at least I can train and I can run and I can get outside. It could be worse - it could be icy or snowing. Or I couldn't have a bike trainer. Or it could be 120' out. Or I could have no legs. See? It could always be worse. It can always be a beautiful day. It's a matter of attitude. 

With training starting up again, the "questions" always becomes more pronounced. The questions from other people as to Why on earth are you training like this? It's not like you're a pro! Won't that much exercise hurt you? Won't running in the rain make you sick? Even though I've been doing this for almost 2 years now, the questions always strike me as odd. I mean, I get it... to normal people my training regimen seems nutty. But these are people who know me, and know that I don't do things without reason. Yet, again and again, they ask. Concerned, uncertain, confused, intrigued, they ask WHY. And I always feel like it's a hidden secret I cannot possibly convey. How can I explain my secret to happiness to people who are just seeing "exercise" and "fitness"? How can I give them all those sunrises and sunsets and high-fives to strangers and a zen-like mindset, and rolling hills bathed in sunshine and salt water on my skin and wrap it all up in a way they will understand? I want to ask them, Why don't you work out regularly? Why do you smoke? Why do you eat junk? Why do you drink alcohol daily? Why do you not get enough sleep? What is it about those daily habits that makes you love them so much?

I think people treat anything that requires discipline, commitment and training as something reserved for professionals. That provides an excuse for them to not partake because it excludes them. Oh, not me! I'm 40! Not me, I'm too short! Not me, I've got a job! Not me, I'm too fat, too skinny, too young, too poor, too busy, etc... The interesting thing is, there are many sponsored athletes and pros that started just like me and grew into their new roles whether they are full time athletes or continue to work full time, that have families and kids and hobbies and interests and their own companies and are 30 and 40 and 50 and older. There are all kinds of competitive athletes of all kinds in all walks of life at all ages. I don't have any goals to become a professional, but I really do enjoy training and I like to improve. No one likes doing things they aren't good at. In order to like those things, you must improve. In order to improve, you must do. Before you know it, you're decent at it and having a good time!

There is a growing disconnect between myself and the society I'm in. What I do is not extraordinary. It is simply the result of time, effort, work and dedication. Anyone can do anything, it just requires effort. All of us have the tools we need to succeed, grow, and change. Simply getting a late start at something in life does not mean that it's impossible or unattainable or not worth trying. There is always a way to do something if you truly want to. More so, I feel like a basic principle of mine is strengthening into a passion. I've spent a lot of time thinking on long runs and during swims and rides. Thinking about the concept of "use it or lose it" and how it applies to everything you've been given in life. My body and mind were given to me for a limited and undefined amount of time. How ungrateful would I be to let them sit and decay or to poison them with bad food and toxins? In this world, your body, your mind and your free will are the only things you 100% own. Why would you trash what is so precious? Why wouldn't you use what you have?

And that is something I will never understand. I am not the person who would buy things and store them away like a patient squirrel awaiting just the right time. I wouldn't buy expensive things and not use them out of fear that they'd show signs of use. I'd not close doors of opportunity out of worry that I might fail. I wouldn't save my time up for a future that may or may not arrive. Every single day, my body is aging. My mind is developing in different ways. Sometimes I grow stronger, faster, sometimes a little more brittle and slow. Storing my energy and saving my time does nothing for me should death come knocking tomorrow. What I lose today I can never regain. I want to use every single second of my life, of each day, and I want to use every bit of feasible energy, every capacity for thought, every ability to touch the lives of others and to shape my own, every movement and burst of speed, every effort to make my body and mind engage and interact with my world to the fullest. To do so brings me great, unmeasured joy. It makes me feel alive in every particle of my being. It makes me appreciate the honor of being here and now. And, simply, it makes me feel good.

2012!

New Years Day ride with Team FC [santiago canyon]

I thought about posting a 2011 recap, but I feel like I did that at the end of the season last year. 2011 seems so long ago already! While there's lots of talk about resolutions for 2012, I'm talking about actual plans. I've signed up for 2 Half Marathons, 5 Half Ironmans and 1 Full Ironman. That's putting your money where your mouth is. I spent many years making lists of goals. The same goals, by in large, and they never budged. Sure...I'd exercise more for a little while. I'd cut back on the cigarettes and the wine. I'd save a little money. Then, I'd blow it all. I'd eat more than I lost, spend more than I had and be right back in the same cycle I'd been accustomed to. Feeling frustrated with myself, I'd make a list of goals. Again.

Once I started triathlon, things changed. Signing up, paying for and telling everyone that I was going to do a triathlon put my toes to the fire a bit. I started adhering to my goals a bit more. It paid off. I was signed up for the Escape From Alcatraz triathlon (which someone else paid for) so I had to get my shit together and not disappoint people (or myself). Somewhere in there, I stopped making goals and just starting doing things.

You'll never lose weight if you don't consistently exercise and make better food choices. You'll never eventually quit smoking by "cutting back". You'll never save money if you're still spending. All of those things you want, the goals and the dreams will never walk themselves to your front door. You have to be willing to go out and get them. Even now, there's things I would like to see change in my life and I know there's only one person in my way. Me. It's nice to be alive. I feel free, grateful, powerful and calm.


So, how am I going to be accomplishing the things I've set out for this year? I had to recruit some outside assistance. I have a coach! Hooray! We met Joby last year through sheer luck. While looking for a running coach to do some running analysis for us, I hit up my old friend Google and searched for running coaches in Orange County. I sent out a few inquiries and sat back. I knew what kind of coach I was looking for and I felt confident that I'd pick the right person. I'm a wee bit type A, so I appreciate people who are friendly but also punctual and prepared. Joby responded to me promptly and asked me a number of questions that showed me he knew what he was talking about and was interested in more than our money. He was obviously interested in seeing how we ran. After our running analysis, Joby invited us to join him and his team on a ride and we continued to join them throughout the summer occasionally.

Stunning sunset/bird swarm last night 

We liked Joby right off the bat, and every person we met who was on his team being coached by him. He's a magnet for awesome people, and we somehow gained a group of training partners that we are getting to know more and more. It was easy to see by Joby's results and those of his coached athletes that he's a skilled athlete AND coach. It was without question that he would be who would coach us as we headed into our next big year. For those of you not familiar with triathlon coaching, there are a few types. There are a lot of training plans around (free and paid) for specific distances or races - they are generic and are kind of one size fits all. Then there is personal coaching (our option for 2012) in which our coach works directly with us to discuss and analyze our specific goals, strengths and areas for improvement.


This has been Week #1 of training and so far, so good! I like having someone to be accountable to and to give me a path to follow. I have complete faith that if I follow my plan, I'll get across those finish lines in good time! The first week back has been positive and I feel strong. I spent the off-season working on my running and my diet is pretty clean, so there's no huge switch into training mode. Adam and I both really like the structure and exertion of training, and we motivate each other to get up, get out and attack the day. I feel very in the moment every day and am savoring the sweet rewards of training - watching the sunrise, running as the sunsets, quiet mornings in the pool, and the zen-like mindset that comes from six days a week of arduous training.

Back on the trainer YEEEOOOOW! 

Our house has once again become a triathlon training facility / cat zoo (we have four) / crazy restaurant (The BMK) and I love it. There's bike shoes, running shoes, sweaty stuff, helmets and electronics littered across the house. It's Friday and things are at critical mass after the first week. The bike trainer has made it's way back out into the living room and we're figuring out where the second bike rack will go once new bikes are acquired. Every single day I feel grateful for my life, for being able to completely surrender to life and for being able to feel like I'm also somehow in control. I wake up happy and I lay down at night feeling fulfilled and the things I do want in my life feel completely feasible and attainable. That, my readers, is a beautiful feeling! Have a great weekend :)

Recap Christmas Holiday

The end of the year is always a hectic time for me. While most people take time off or slow down for the holidays, I ramp up my hours at work. On a good note, that means a few extra hours of pay and I'm lucky to have a job in an economy where so many people are struggling to get by. My workouts have been on the rocks a bit this week, but I'm pleased to still have gotten a handful of them in.

Last week I had a beautiful hilly run on the dirt trails by the Back Bay. It was a windy day and the trails were empty. I caught this sunset on my second loop.

California Christmas

I managed to get on my bike for the first time since the Newport Beach Triathlon. In the end of October. For a time trial. Whoa it's been awhile! Nothing like a few months off cycling to remind you how different running muscles are from cycling muscles. Surprise! Adam led me out on SART and I chased him as fast as I could for 20 minutes. I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of sad how slow I was. However, cycling comes back quickly for me, so I'm not too worried. I was able to get my heart rate pretty high (for me) and that's what my coach needed so I feel pretty good about it.

Giant Pelican

Christmas was nice! We spent Christmas Eve with my family post-bike ride and had a wonderful brunch in the warm CA sunshine. Christmas Day we woke up and while I went running, Adam headed out on another bike ride. I felt really good and managed to bang out 13.1 miles for fun. I'm looking forward to officially starting our training on the 1st with Team FC! And not working quite as hard! Ok, back to work =)

...and it was in the mid-70s!

Weekend Run Recap

Went on a 2hr 20minute run on Saturday. Here's what I saw! So many things are easy to miss when you're rushing about in a car...by foot - the world is fantastic. Enjoy! (Click on each image to enlarge.)

Someone's giant, sweet bunny stoked on all the good eats!

Threatening clouds

One of my favorite views

From Castaways Park

Tons of prickly pear in bloom!

From Castaways Park out the harbor to the Pacific

Kayaks at Southwind 

Yours truly!

Still Running!

Not too shabby for a Monday!

Monday I left work a little early and headed out on the Mountains to Sea Trail from Newport Beach towards Irvine. It's been crazy windy and cold here lately, so I intentionally set off into the wind knowing that my way back would be easier. The sun sets at 5pm sharp, so I  packed my Nathan hydration pack with water, arm warmers, headlamp, 2 E-Gels and a change of lenses in case it was windy and I needed my clear lenses in the dark. Seems like a bit of crap to carry with, but I'm a huge fan of being comfortable, particularly when I'm running or riding for an extended period of time. Simply put, the more comfortable I am, the more I can just focus on the task at hand. There are only 2 spots to get water along this section of the trail and I find it easier to just carry my own - no stopping and no fussing.

Under the 405 Fwy

Besides being out of work early (which is always sweet), it was absolutely beautiful out. Hardly anyone on the trail, bright blue skies, cooling winds, and I was running out with the sun at my back keeping my body temperature just right. The last outside run I did last week sucked so completely that I was in dire need of redemption. Granted it was a tempo run INTO the wind and said wind happened to be blowing around 20mph making my run a total nightmare. I pushed hard. I gave my all. And the wind handed me my ass, patted me on the head and sent me back home pouting. I was in luck on Monday, though, my long run went beautifully!

Running with the wind!

I've been consistently putting in the zone 1-2 runs which at first are completely boring. Shuffle, shuffle, jog, look at watch, heart rate too high, shuffle, etc... Yet, after a month, I've come to really enjoy them. Compared to the hill repeats, the tempo runs and the mile repeats, slow long runs are downright fun. I can actually enjoy the trip! I'm also super lucky to have this trail to run on. Some dirt, some asphalt, barely any concrete and no cars. I almost made it to my mom's house on foot - which I was pretty stoked about! I've been doing really well on the active recovery front as well - spending my lunch time foam rolling, using the TP Therapy stuff and working on some of my problem areas (tight calves which cause foot pain, tight hips which cause everything pain). My body has been recovering quickly and I am pretty much pain-free. The only thing that starts to bug is the pads of my feet (balls and toe pads) after about 90 minutes. Some new shoes coming tomorrow should help with that!

I have a touch of a cold so I'm resting for a few days, but it's worth it if I am better for the weekend! Fortunately my immune system is pretty healthy, so it can fight off these winter cooties without it being too unbearable. 

Just a quick few miles till home!

Stunning sunset over the bay

Reflections on 2011

“From a little spark may burst a flame.”~ Dante Alighieri

I sit here two days after our trip to Ironman Arizona (volunteering, not racing) and I'm overwhelmed with the sheer force, strength and resilience of the over 2,500 athletes that competed on Sunday. As someone who (as of Monday) stepped up to the task of taking on the full Ironman distance (2.4 mi swim, 112 mi bike and 26.2 mi run) I realize the power of that choice. Sunday I watched friends, teammates, and strangers race together, but very much alone at the same time. Some people's stories I knew firsthand - the whys and hows, the reason behind them, the banners they carried mentally to push them onward. Thousands of individuals - made up of the same flesh, bone and blood as everyone else, yet differing in their desire to push themselves beyond their limits and into the unknown. I felt as though I was looking at a sea of stars. Each person with their own story, their own reason, drive, year of arduous training. For those of you that I know who raced, for friends new and old, I cannot capture my joy for you in words. Each of you a tiny spark, bursting into flames, brightening the world with your courage. I feel lucky to count so many stars in my sky.

Tomorrow I turn 31. This year has been full of so much growth that I hardly recognize who I was last November. I was still trying. Trying to be healthy, trying to be calm, trying to be focused, trying to exercise. Despite all of my trying, my body was breaking down inside. After an immensely rich and delicious dinner on my birthday with my girlfriends (and copious amounts of wine), I wound up extremely sick. Sure, I had way too much to drink, but it wasn't just the alcohol - the food was making me sick as well. I started the year with a round of lab tests and doctor visits and frustration at the ineptitude of the medical world. I began to wean the problems from my diet by removing alcohol, fried foods, unhealthy fats, dairy, and eventually meat. Since I cut out the alcohol (with the exception of a few rare instances this year), I also cut out the cigarettes I was only "socially" smoking. It's pretty easy to only smoke when you drink when you drink daily. I found myself with only one choice - to be healthy once and for all. I was signed up for Escape From Alcatraz and I couldn't let me generous race sponsors down. Since I was used to letting myself down, it took being accountable to someone else to make it over the hurdle.

I grew up thinking it was absolutely normal to drink daily. Every single day, happy or sad, busy or bored, sick or healthy - a few glasses of wine was always the perfect way to unwind. Yet, a few glasses a night usually became a bottle of wine a night. And bad decisions became easier to make. And I never woke up to work out early, nor opted for healthy food choices. I felt like I couldn't get a grasp on what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and felt frustrated at my life. I was always on a cycle of extreme moods - volatile one moment, happy the next. Every morning I woke up tired, a little full of regret, and craving a cup of coffee, some satisfying food and maybe even a cigarette.

I threw myself into training in the beginning of the year and eventually, I started to feel really good. My life became calm, easy, decisions were clear, I could see where I was going and began to feel in control of my destiny. I woke up each morning feeling clean, pure, vibrant and alive. I was hungry for life, laughter and to expend my excessive energy resources by running with Adam or riding bikes with friends. I began to channel the energy I tried to dull for decades. I spent years of my life trying to either bring myself up or take myself down in an effort to catch up with my wildly fluctuating energy. I wasted a lot of time trying to corral a rushing river instead of learning how to swim. In the end, I realized that it wasn't more of something I needed, it was less. I needed less food, less toxins, less drama, less excitement, less bullshit,  less gossip, less arguments, less processed food, less sugar, less fat, and less alcohol. Only with a clear head did I begin to understand the depth and width of my dependence on external things to make me happy. Somewhere inside me, a change began to occur. A new voice clean and strong, asking to be cared for better. As I listened to my new voice, doing the best thing for myself became easy. Clean, healthy, easy to use food. Solid, unbroken rest. Fresh air, movement of my limbs and enough exercise to satiate the wildness in me. Everything became quite clear - no regrets, confusion, apologies, or misinterpretations.

I always wanted to do great things. To achieve the impossible and to push my limits. Yet, I always pushed that off to another day, some day, not today. By accepting responsibility for my own life and keeping my body and mind healthy, I was granted the power to do the impossible. I feel now as if there is nothing that can stand in my path. No journey too long, no goal out of my reach - everything is possible with time and effort. It's quite an unusual feeling and I'm just beginning to believe it.

I no longer view exercise as a chore - it's a privilege. It's also the cheapest way to get high and the only side effects are feeling good and a longer life. I am building my character each time I do an ocean swim and conquer my fear of open water and sharks. I learn how to focus with every hill repeat. I learn to not give up when doing mile repeats at tempo pace. I learn patience in my long runs. I learn to see the beauty, the good, the whole and the right in life. I surround myself with people who believe they can do anything and who are healthy,  I wake with the sunrise feeling grateful and I go to sleep each night feeling like I did the best I could for the day. Tomorrow I will celebrate the beginning of another year on Earth. I will celebrate having the opportunity to experience life the best I can and to improve the experiences of others. I am grateful for the support of friends new and old, family and most importantly, Adam. I am also grateful for the incidences and individuals who provided me with a challenge, and gave me the time and place to commit to my principles and exercise the fibers of my new self so that I became stronger.

Off Season Adventures

Ahhhh off-season! The time of year to sleep in, stay off the bike, skip chilly a.m. pool workouts and enjoy life. Oh, and learn how to run. My goal for off-season this year was to work on my run, and I have been putting in the work. In the past few weeks, I've run a lot - hill repeats, long slow days, easy runs, mile repeats, and even a 10 mile race in Huntington Beach (in the pouring rain)!

Last weekend I accomplished something that's been on my list for quite some time - to run around the Back Bay from our house. The fun part about this run is that there is no shortcut. Don't feel good? Don't want to run anymore? Tough %$&#! There's only one way home and it's around the whole thing. The total mileage from door to door is about 11 miles. It's a beautiful run that took me from our house to Castaways Park overlooking the harbor, then to Pacific Coast Highway and finally in around the bay on Back Bay Drive.

This curvy but flat section of the Bay is one of my favorite places. It's relatively quiet, it's flat, and it takes you through some stunning vistas. Once you get to a certain point on Back Bay Drive you can see the other side of the Bay where you hit the 9 mile mark. You can also see Jamboree and how far away it is and you know that between you and Jamboree is a steep little climb up to Eastbluff. It felt great to come up that hill and head on across Jamboree! Absolutely gorgeous post-rainy day views from every side of the bay!

Then there's been the early nights - it's been getting dark here around 5pm which is crushing my runs! I don't mind running when it's dim, but the other night it was pitch black even with my headlamp on. I'm going to switch the runs to the a.m! My paces are improving and I feel healthy overall. I'm hoping to continue chipping away at my running until I'm satisfied and ready for next year. 

Lastly, we're heading to Arizona tomorrow for Ironman Arizona! We're volunteering at the race (run aid station #2) and we will be registering to race 2012 on Monday. I realize this concept is befuddling for non-triathletes who look at me and question our sanity that we're driving to Arizona to volunteer and pay for our own trip/travel expenses only so that we can pay money to register for an IRONMAN. Yes, yes, I realize this is a little odd for outsiders. But, for those of us that are triathletes, this makes perfect sense. 

The Iron distance (2.4 mi swim, 112 mi bike and 26.2 mi run) is an impressive feat of physical, mental and emotional strength and no one person finishes (or starts) that race alone. That distance is traversed by a single person, with the aid, support, assistance and encouragement of many. At every race, the volunteers have made a tremendous difference in my overall experience and time. Seeing volunteers I know (like at Orangeman) was like having your personal on-course cheerleaders where often, there were no spectators. I feel that by volunteering, we are giving back to the community/sport that has given us so much. There's also quite a handful of Team FC athletes (and our coach Joby) who are racing on Sunday, so it will be great to be out in AZ supporting the team, being inspired and watching our friends and teammates succeed.

Lastly, we will register. Volunteers get priority registration after current IMAZ athletes and before it opens up online. My biggest and most amazing sponsor is paying for my race entry fee and I'm beside myself with gratitude! I am so excited about what next year holds for me on so many levels. With the year wrapping up, I continue to feel grateful and humbled by the amount of positivity, love, friendship, and possibility that exist in my life. 

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible"~Walt Disney